Common mistakes of difficult conversations

Having a conversation with someone is usually difficult enough of its own. Even though we pretend and fake being interested in the other person, we are still just talking to ourselves. I know that many people will disagree with this notion, but the fact stands that we are indeed just cough up in the web of our ego and self-proclaimed importance. Pray that one day people will realize their flaws and overcome any notion of self-righteousness and personal exaltation. But this article won’t deal with how and why are people so awkward when undertaking difficult conversations with their fellow man.

Mistake Number One. You Don’t Let the Other Person Finish Up What They Have To Say

This mistake is more psychological than it is intentional. Although if it is a mistake it clearly is unintentional. Rather, let’s say it is a mistake that has deep roots in your psyche and it is almost unavoidable to escape. When two people are arguing, ardently arguing, and no one seems to want to back up (a phenomenon known as being ‘stubborn’) a certain chemical process starts turning your brain inside-out! The neurotransmitter known as cortisol targets the centers in the frontal lobe that is responsible for social inhibitions and regulation of the older, more primitive side of the subconscious.

Mistake Number Two: One Doesn’t Take Genuine Interest in the Other Person

Not looking at the other person in the eyes are a clear indication that one does not take the other person either seriously or have enough respect of, in which case it is impossible to have a real, deep, meaningful conversation, no matter how pressing the matter is. This however is not something to be learned overnight. It takes real work and self-reflection to see on others a part of yourself. For any conversation to take place, there must me mutual respect.

Mistake Number Three: Inability to Express Oneself Properly

Oratory skills, like most set of skills one may pursuit, are the product of years and years of practice. If you are an introvert and generally an asocial individual, chances are that you don’t have even the slightest idea when to speak and when to listen. Also, people find it difficult to put their thoughts into coherent sentences. This is due to lack of adequate communication between the different regions of the brain’s associative memory mechanisms. Lack of experience conversing is the primary cause of this, and the solution is pretty much self-intuitive: practice.

Mistake Number Four: False Presumptions And Self-Defense Mechanisms

We have already talked about the ramifications of being stubborn in conversations. We are going to expand on that by saying that being stubborn is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to false physiological and bio-chemical association patterns. Assuming that something is the way it is due to some previous situation of similar character is a perfect example of false associations. Let’s say you are asking your employer for a pay raise, but because you were turned down in the past, you automatically change your mindset towards that, for you almost inevitable scenario, and you base your whole body language, choice of words, temperament etc. toward preserving your dignity by being ‘passive’ and cautious. This condition can be referred to as being ‘defensive’. Distancing yourself from false presumptions by carefully evaluating your situation is perhaps the only way to go, although your brain will always try to preserve its stability by blasting cortisol, adrenaline and nor epinephrine, making you feel anxious, worried and sometimes ever depressed.