The Procedure Of Falling Out Of Love

Abstinence (coming from Latin “abstinens”, meaning absent, missing) means a voluntary denial of satisfying any carnal desires, needs and passionate desires that give pleasure.

So, I am starting the procedure of falling out of love. Ready. Set. Go!

We are halfway through the week now. I barely keep my eyes open because I slept only four hours and I even did manage to get drunk last night. I feel distracted and I have a headache. I had to do my work for the day but I managed to do all my work for today and even do it well, which is great because I can actually spend the rest of my time being quiet, staring at one point. I feel like listening to music. And not any kind of music, but great, slow, depressing music. Once I get home I plan to put my headphones on and turn the volume on. This way I actually manage to concentrate and think.

For two days now I stopped writing to him and answering his messages respectively. Not that he really care, he is a “bad ass” and can’t show any affection to anybody. I told myself that this time I’ll put an end to this right on time because when something takes too much efforts in order to make it happen, then usually it is not worth it. If I should put it in other words, if we need to push things in any direction, we better go through with it before it ever began.

As cynical as it may sound from the mouth of a young lady, there are no other words that I can use right now. Furthermore, let’s assume that I’m cynical by nature and I just don’t care, that I am one of those emancipated women who will pour their whiskey down right in your face and pay the bartender for you just to put you in your place.

However, if I have to be honest, the at the beginning things we going really well and I did not quite cared for the fact that we have broken up. He called me for the last time on Friday night and did not show up, so I began the procedure of falling out of love.

He even saw me once with another man and he almost manage to hide his irritation the way he usually hides his smiles. It suits mu, by the way. I have to admit that he played that really well – the perfect rose of Mr Big that he thinks he is. And let me make this clear – I don’t usually play games and I don’t cheat on my boyfriend.

I may easily change him with another one, and I will have the strength to do that soon. And I even have someone in mind. He’s funny and he’s nice but he is actually afraid of talking to me without thinking over and over again. Our dates are something like a chess game, trying to guess your opponent’s next move.

So, I am dealing with abstinence on my ex and I have no problem admitting that.

I broke up with him, but he left me no other choice. I was not dependent of addicted, but now I can tell that I feel the symptoms of a person who is giving up on something that is bad for them.

Actually, is something like the drug abstinence which can be classified in:

Psychological – this is the eager to test something, to try it (the so-called “kick”) and can be described as the pleasure you get from a drug, the feeling of comfort and relaxation.

Physiological – this is actually a violation of the normal course of the physiological processes in our body and the true abstinence. It could be a muscle or joints pain, a tremor, a sharp rise in the blood pressure, etc.

And yes, that is what is happening to me. My body is not functioning the way it is supposed to. The whole experience gave me a lot of adrenaline, then a feeling of peace and now I feel bad, really bad. The worst part is that I also feel guilty. I feel dizzy, I have a heartbeat and I hope this is worth the efforts because I am going through hell.

When Connie is falling out of love she starts to clean the apartment. This way she has no time to be depressed.